British Television in American Culture
by bwaybabe14
Summary: Duncan's neice, Jamie Land, comes to Greendale from Scotland and "befriends" the study group, especially through her love of Inspector Spacetime. Inspired by a video of Doctor Who's Karen Gillan asking to be on Community. Please rate and review!
1. Something Scottish

Okay, so this story was inspired by a video Karen Gillan of _Doctor Who_ made about wanting to be on Community/ Inspector Spacetime. It's more of a Community fanfic than a crossover. Trust me, it has more to do with Inspector Spacetime than with Doctor Who. I don't own anyone except maybe the name Jamie Land, which is actually just a parody of Karen's _Doctor Who_ character, Amy Pond.

Warning: this fic contains insulting terms and stereotypes that might offend some readers (oh Pierce -_-) and I apologize in advance. Also there's some British slang, but I tried to keep it simple enough (I really hope I used them all correctly).

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Chapter 1: Something Scottish

Jeff Winger normally had nothing to do before study group sessions, although he wouldn't want them to know that. Sometimes he would go to his car and take a quick nap while the radio played some popular new crap he didn't care to actually listen to. Maybe he would win a few rounds of pool, calling it quits before his opponent became as competitive as Jeff pretended he wasn't. Or he could always flirt with a hot girl who hadn't fallen prey to his smooth tricks and pick-up lines, but his choice in women was wearing thin. So today, Jeff uncharacteristically decided to go to the Study Room and look at some emails on his Blackberry at the Table for a while.

He heard Annie's laugh in the distance a few minutes after he sat down. Of course Annie would be first to come. He predicted her pre-study rituals and smiled as she walked in with another girl Jeff had never seen before. She was like Annie in some ways: same height, same age or maybe older, curvy and fair. Always a plus. She dressed like Annie and Britta combined: red plaid shirt over a lacy pink tank top with a jean skirt and brown leather boots. But her most appealing feature by far was her wavy red locks that flowed to the middle of her back.

"Hi Annie," Jeff said after a moment. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, hi Jeff. This is Jamie. She's from Scotland," Annie replied full of excitement.

"Jamie? Name's Jeff Winger." He put a hand out as he stood up towards her.

"Jeff Winger?" Jamie repeated. "Oh, my uncle told me about you."

Jeff raised a brow. "Uncle?"

Jamie nodded. "Uncle Ian. Tall, dark brown hair and glasses. Usually plastered?"

This fiery beauty was related to Duncan? Jeff tried to find a loop hole. "But Duncan's British. Annie said you're from Scotland."

"Born and raised. My mum is his sister. She married a Scot. End of story," Jamie explained.

"Anyway," Annie said, re-entering the conversation, "Jamie is here at Greendale for a semester, and Duncan asked if I could show her around for a while."

"Probably because he needed to hit the pub for a few hours," Jamie added quietly. Jeff liked the way this girl thought.

"Better that Annie gives you a tour than the Dean," he said. "By the way, don't let the Dean know you're from Scotland. He'll pretend he's William Wallace."

Troy and Abed walked in just then. Troy stopped at Jamie and glanced at her. Abed stared at her for a moment then went to his seat.

"Whoa. Since when does Britta have red hair?" Troy said stunned.

"That's not Britta, moron," Jeff said.

"Jamie Land. And you are?" Her face was blank as she waited.

"I'm Troy, Troy Barnes. I used to play football, but like the American kind, not soccer. I've never read _Pride and Prejudice_. Shakespeare makes my head hurt. The Beatles were cool, but they're not really my thing." He pointed at Abed. "That's my best friend Abed. We watch _Inspector Spacetime_ together."

Jamie's face brightened. "_Inspector Spacetime_?"

"Yeah," Jeff said quickly, "it's this silly British show they reenact."

"Oh, I know all about _Inspector Spacetime_. I—"

"GINGER!"

Everyone turned their attention to the opposite end of the room where Pierce stood, stiffly pointing at Jamie. "Gingers don't have souls!"

"Pierce!" Annie scolded, and said to Jamie, "I'm so sorry. I'd like to say he's normally not like this, but I'd be lying."

"It's alright. Ever since I came to Colorado I've been getting all the Ginger-British-Scottish-Irish stereotypes, though never with as much anger." Jamie looked at Pierce, who was sitting now and no longer pointing but still had a suspicious face.

"Sorry we're late," said Britta as she shuffled in with Shirley. "Actually, wait. Jeff's just way early. Never mind." Britta stopped at her chair, which was being blocked by Jamie and Annie. "Oh, hi there." She looked at Jamie up and down. "I like your boots."

"Thanks," Jamie said. "I like your jacket."

Instead of saying thank you, Britta paused for a moment and said, "Sorry, I'm Britta."

"And I'm Shirley," she said from her seat. "Won't you sit down?"

"Oh, but aren't you guys going to study now?" Jamie asked. "Don't you have examinations or something?"

"Examinations? Ugh, you make tests sound so medical," Troy said. "Is it weird that I liked that just now?"

Annie patted Jamie's shoulder. "Well, um, we have a few minutes. And we don't really have a test for this week, so maybe you could sit in today?"

"Really?" Jamie said surprised. She looked around at the study group for their approval.

"Absolutely," Jeff said with crossed arms and a smirk.

"We have an extra seat." Annie guided her to the empty chair next to Jeff.

"Now wait, wait, wait," Pierce said, "I gotta sit across from that heartless Mick for the next ninety minutes? Screw this. She has to go."

"I'm Scottish," was all Jamie said in response.

"Pierce, what the hell?" Jeff said. "She hasn't done anything. We just want her to experience real crappy American community college. Plus your stereotypes are like a hundred years old."

"Oh please," Pierce said. "You just want her here because you think she's attractive. Britta wants to take off her clothes and wear them. Why are you here anyway?" Pierce leaned against the table, waiting for her to answer. The others just turned to her as she gaped for words.

"Um, well, my uncle is Professor Ian Duncan, and my mum wanted me to stay with him for a few months because she was concerned he's turned into a 'tosspot.' And I figured while I was here I might as well take some classes and get some culture in." She looked down. "This is my first time in America."

Britta gasped. "You have to live with Duncan for six months? I'm so sorry."

"No, it's fine," Jamie said. "I don't mind living with him. Yes, he goes to the pub a lot, but it's kind of nice spending time with him after so long. That is when he's not drinking or shouting or wanking off. . ." Annie made a disgusted face.

"You know what," Britta said, "you should stay at my place this weekend. Experience real American culture."

"Lesbian," Pierce said under his breath.

"Um, no, Britta," Annie said cautiously. "I think Jamie would be better off at our apartment. Stable, drug-free environment."

"We could have a movie marathon!" Troy said excited. "Abed has a million movies."

"You live with them?" Jamie asked Annie.

"Yeah, but they won't bother you if you don't want them to," she said. They both looked back at Troy, who had creepy wide eyes, and Abed, whose head was cocked to the side as he watched Jamie in a thoughtful manner.

"I'll get back to you," Jamie said.

"Great. Let's study," Annie said.

* * *

At the end of the study session, Jamie walked out with Annie just as she had walked in. Jeff followed them a few paces behind, just as he would if Annie was alone.

"Hey guys," he said casually. "Uh, Jamie, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Jeff?" Annie said in a stern tone.

"Don't worry, Annie," Jamie said. "I'll meet you in a minute." Annie waited before she nodded at Jamie, gave a warning glance to Jeff, and walked off behind a bookshelf.

"So, listen I respect what you're doing for Duncan. He's a close friend of mine, and I care about his well-being too. And I know you have plans with Apartment 303 this weekend, but I was wondering if tonight you wanted to see some sights around town, maybe grab a bite to eat. I would love to hear more about life in the UK." He smiled his notoriously charming Winger smile.

Jamie grinned. "Oh, Annie said this might happen." Jeff maintained his expression, but his eyes panicked.

"Either I'm the first Ginger you've asked out in a while or just the first Scot. Alright, let me 'break it down' for you, Jeff Winger. I'm not some girl you can snog today and leave tomorrow. You think I'm so naïve and quiet, like Annie. But I'm only what, ten years younger than you? I've dealt with men like you before, and let me tell you, you're not getting my end away so easy, no matter how hard you try." Jamie's smile was sweet and sly all at once now; she had seen right through him. This made Jeff even more attracted to her now, except he didn't know what to say because he wasn't completely sure what some of the things she said had meant.

Jamie was about to turn to go when instead she came close to Jeff's face and said, "But if some reason this weekend is boring, maybe I'll let you take me out next week."

Jeff watched her curls bounce as she strutted away. "I need a Scotch," he said.

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Well, I hoped you liked it! If you were upset by the complete lack of Abed in this chapter, don't worry. I have BIG plans for him! I have a lot of ideas for this story. I'm just not sure how to get to those plot points. Again I really hope I used all the slang right.


	2. Snarling Lion

For this chapter, most of the Inspector Spacetime info I use is from the Inspector Spacetime wiki. (Yes, Community-Doctor Who fans actually made a wiki site for Inspector Spacetime!) This chapter has the most Inspector Spacetime references out of my whole story, I promise.

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Chapter 2: Snarling Lion

Most weekends in Apartment 303 were, in fact, spent the same way: Troy and Abed sitting in front of their television for hours of marathons, and Troy and Abed acting out their imaginations for hours in the Dreamatorium. Every now and then, Annie would check in on them to make sure they were still alive, and she might make them buttered noodles because she always worried they would forget to eat otherwise.

This weekend would be no exception, or so Abed planned. He and Troy were going to watch Star Wars—parts 4, 5, and 6, because the newer ones were debatable—and then afterward they'd head to the Dreamatorium where Abed would play Han Solo and Troy was usually Luke Skywalker.

But now this new girl was coming over to stay the weekend, putting a dent in his plans. He knew Annie would want the two of them to actually socialize with Jamie Land. Although Abed did think this foreign redheaded Annie-Britta hybrid was attractive, he simply could not talk to her. He remained silent as the four of them entered the apartment.

"Whoa," Jamie said when she first saw it. "This place is huge."

"Eh, it's a'ight," Troy said.

Abed nearly cried out when Jamie almost crashed into his miniature replica of _Raiders of the Lost Ark_.

"Ow, sorry," she said when her thigh met the side of the wall. She then focused her attention to the scene's tiny detail. "Did you make this?" she asked to no one in particular.

Abed was quiet for a moment as the question lingered in the air. He felt she deserved an answer.

"I did. It's an homage to Indiana Jones, specifically the first film. I like parts 1-3, not the fourth one though. The fourth one blows."

"I must admit," she started as she learned to set the scene in motion, "I'm not really familiar with all these American movies."

Abed winced. She was no longer worthy.

"So what do you want to do, Jamie?" Annie asked from her room. "I'm afraid all we really have around here is movies."

"That's alright," Jamie said looking towards the shelves upon shelves of DVDs. "You've got so many!" As she made her way to one of the shelves she noticed the giant Inspector Spacetime poster framed on the wall. She gasped and rushed to it.

"Is this the 50 Year Anniversary portrait of Inspector Spacetime signed by. . ." she gasped louder this time, "Travis Richey?!"

Troy guffawed. "You like Inspector Spacetime?"

"I've been watching it ever since I was a little girl," Jamie answered. "It's almost unheard of for a Brit to not enjoy Inspector Spacetime."

"Did Duncan watch Inspector Spacetime?" asked Abed.

"I said almost," said Jamie. She picked out one of the show's DVDs. "You even have the 1981 Holiday Special! This thing is complete rubbish! Can we watch it?"

She is worthy again, Abed thought.

* * *

Three hours later, the four of them had made their way into the Dreamatorium. After watching the 1981 Holiday Special and the scariest episode—one Annie and Troy had never seen before—which featured a new villain called a Snarling Lion, Abed suggested they make up their own scenarios now that his Inspector would have a complete team of constables.

"Troy is always Constable Reggie and Annie is usually Geneva," Abed explained to Jamie as he put on his white bathrobe and bowler hat. "So who do you want to be?"

"Brooke Rhapsody," she said before he could even finish the question. She smiled a small giddy grin.

"Who's Brooke Rhapsody?" Annie asked.

"Annie, I know you're not an Inspector Spacetime super-nerd like us," Troy said, "but sometimes your lack of knowledge about it really scares me. I can't believe you don't know who Brooke Rhapsody is, seriously."

Then Troy leaned toward Jamie and whispered, "Who's Brooke Rhapsody?"

"She's my favorite character," Jamie said, her arms folded behind her back. "She's only in some episodes sometimes. No one knows much about her; we only think."

"Only think what? What do you know about her?" Annie asked. She had never been that interested in Inspector Spacetime, but this becoming fascinating really fast.

"We think she's the daughter of a past constable. And we think she has special abilities," Jamie said. "But we know she's the only other person who can fly the DARSIT. She knows things about the Inspector no one else does. Because supposedly. . ."

Jamie looked over at Abed, who stared back at her nervously.

"Supposedly what?" Troy asked, his gaze going from Jamie to Abed. "SUPPOSEDLY WHAT?!"

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Annie and Troy just stared at Jamie and Abed, who were still staring at each other. The only movement was the top half of Jamie's body turning left and right as she waited for Abed to finish the fact. Her sly smile remained.

Abed then removed his bowler, untied his robe, and said, "Never mind." He walked over to the door and left the Dreamatorium.

Troy peered back at Jamie with frenzied wide eyes. "You broke Abed," he said in a high pitched voice.

Jamie slowly frowned. "Excuse me?"

"YOU BROKE ABED!"

"Um, I didn't mean to." Jamie was confused. She had never broken a human being before.

"You need to leave," Troy said. "Annie, she needs to leave." Troy then began to push Jamie out of the Dreamatorium.

"Troy, stop it!" Annie tried to pull him back.

"Sorry, but I don't really know what I did wrong," Jamie yelled over both of them.

When Troy had finally succeeded in getting Jamie out of the Dreamtorium (despite her and Annie's explanations), they saw the curtain drawn in the blanket fort Troy and Abed lived in, where Abed was lying on the floor, completely catatonic.

"Abed?" Troy started. "Abed?! Buddy?!"

Annie's face fell. "Okay. . ." She turned to Jamie. "I think you should leave for a little while."

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Annie let out tiny sigh and shifted her gaze. "Just for a little while. Until we figure out what's wrong with Abed." She nodded in a panic.

"Alright," Jamie said, "I can leave for a few hours. Can I use your phone for a minute?" She put her hand out.

"Oh, uh, okay," Annie said. "What's wrong with your phone?"

Jamie found a number in the contacts and put the cell to her ear. "I don't have his number."

"Whose?" Annie asked.

Jamie didn't hear her. "Hello? It's Jamie Lake." The person on the other end had answered. "Yeah, yeah, don't start now! I can meet you for a bit. Uh-huh. . . one second." She put the phone to her chest. "Do you know where L Street is?"

Annie thought for a moment before she gasped. "You're going to go out to a bar with Jeff?!"

"I'll be fine, Annie," Jamie said. "He thinks he's so fit, he's probably never had a girl turn him down."

"I can think of someone," Annie said under her breath.

"Yeah, I'll figure it out," Jamie said, turning back to the call. She said goodbye and gave the phone back to Annie.

"You sure you'll be okay with Jeff?" Annie asked.

Jamie smirked. "You sure you'll be okay with them?" She looked over at Troy who was sitting on the floor, crying, while Abed remained motionless and not speaking.

"Besides," Jamie started, "with everything you and Uncle Ian told me about him, I can handle it."

"Yeah," Annie said as Jamie grabbed her bag and left. "That's what I'm worried about."


	3. Romantic Reference

Oh hey, sorry it's been million years since I last updated. Busy college life. Anyway, I'm back! Thanks for all those who reviewed and favorite this story. I'm so happy that you guys enjoy it so much. Also I re-read that last chapter recently and noticed some typos— like messing up Jamie's last name!— and it makes me feel so stupid! UGH!

Anyway, enjoy this next chapter! (And I know I've already disclosed some exclusive information to some readers, but whatever. Bear with me; it's what you've been waiting for.)

Also I learned way too much about Scotch for this chapter.

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Chapter 3: Romantic Reference

The bouncer didn't card Jamie when she got to L Street. Not that she had a proper form of identification, aside from her Greendale student ID.

She noticed Jeff sitting at a booth by himself, drinking a twelve-year-old Macallan neat. He smiled as she made her way toward him.

"Hey there," Jeff started and waved for a server. "I knew you'd find me better company—"

"No, I don't want anything to drink," Jamie said to Jeff.

He paused. "Okay," he said after a moment. "So. . . how is life in Scotland? I've never actually been there, but I—"

"What is wrong with them?" Jamie interrupted. "All of your friends?"

Jeff was simply silent.

"I mean, after we watch a couple episodes of _Inspector Spacetime_, I'm kicked out of the apartment because I 'broke Abed'? That can't be my fault," she said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not exactly an expert on Abed's television, but I do know you shouldn't mess with it," Jeff advised. "Two years ago Abed disproved a teacher's theory about _Who's the Boss_ because Abed thought he was right."

"_Who's the Boss_?" Jamie didn't know what Jeff was referencing to.

"Never mind. Uh, the point is," Jeff said, "whatever it was about probably just offended Abed, I guess."

"Hm, I've never known anyone who got offended by flirting," Jamie said.

"Neither have I," Jeff agreed. "Wait, what?"

"Well, not exactly flirting, more like insinuating," she said.

"What did you say?" Jeff asked.

"Well, we're were playing _Inspector Spacetime_ in his green room, and he was the Inspector—"

"Naturally," Jeff said.

"—And I said I wanted to be Brooke Rhapsody because I really like her. And I was explaining to Troy and Annie that she has cool abilities and how she is romantically linked to the Inspector—"

"Realize that I understand almost nothing you're talking about," Jeff said.

"—And that put Abed off for some reason," Jamie finally finished. "Anyway, Annie said to stay away for a few hours." She put one arm on the table while she rested her head on her other.

"So, wait, you implied you wanted a relationship with Abed?" Jeff asked. Jamie nodded.

Jeff leaned back against the slightly battered booth. He found it nearly impossible to hit on her now that he knew her romantic intentions towards Abed. "No one can flirt with Abed. He can only relate to people through television and movies. If you had been making googly eyes at him, he didn't get it until you made a pop culture reference."

"Is that really it? He just doesn't understand me?" Jamie said slumping.

"I don't understand you," Jeff glanced at her. How could she like Abed over him? Jeff was attractive and suave and cool. But she always saw right through him. Was it simply that Abed's aloofness reminded women of their fathers? Abed was just weird. On his birthday, he had lied about being on the set of _Cougar Town_. And Abed had cast Jeff as his father in a short film for his father.

"But then, I don't understand Abed sometimes either," Jeff said. "And I've known him for four years."

Jeff looked at her, then at his half empty cup of scotch. He pushed the glass toward her. Jamie took the cup and drank, putting her head all the way back. It was completely empty when she placed it back on the table.

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the night?" Jeff asked.

"Hmm, I don't know," she said. "I guess I could always go back to Uncle Ian's for the night if Annie doesn't call me."

"Well, you could always hang out with me," Jeff said, his ego returning. His phone buzzed on the table.

Jamie smirked. "Now how exactly do you plan on going anywhere? Is this your first Macallan?"

"Definitely wasn't your first Macallan ever," he retorted. "Seriously, need a ride?"

"Aw, look at you, all concerned about me," she teased. "I will be fine. And I told you. You're not getting my end away that easily."

"Right, what does that mean?" he said. His phone buzzed again. They both glanced at it, before Jamie grabbed it. After clicking to see who it was, she chuckled and smiled slowly.

"Like I said, I'll be fine. I'll manage Apartment 303," she said, handing over the Blackberry. "Thanks for your advice. Now here's some for you: you should answer those text messages."

Jeff looked at his screen and said, "Crap."

Jamie got up from the booth as Jeff said, "You owe me half a drink."

"Goodbye, Jeff Winger."


End file.
